035

I had a breakdown but I'm okay now.

New meds and time with my family and my favorite season are helping me get better. I realize a lot has changed in my life but sometimes I wish for more change. Sometimes I feel like I'm too similar to that girl in a dorm room in Wisconsin feeling miserable and cut off from the world. But I carved pumpkins with Ryan a few days ago and I am surrounded by amazing people so things are looking up.

The other night Ariel took me to see her friend Lucas play a show. He was a singer-songwriter type, and he was really entertaining. But after like the third song about his struggles as a creative dreamer type in a corporate world and the second time he referred to himself as a starving artist, I wanted to be like "bro, you're really not the only one." The foundation of this city is just a bunch of crushed ambition from rock star hopefuls who became investment bankers. Except, of course, for my neighborhood, which is comprised mostly of a bunch of peter pans who won't grow up and let go of the past, a past where there were actual possibilities for the future. Including myself, of course.

Vicki used a disposable camera to take a picture of me yesterday afternoon. I was asleep on a couch with the table in front of me covered in twinkies wrappers, soup cans, popcorn, peanut butter m&ms, and three different flavors of doritos. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life.

Dinner with Aimee last night. She convinced me to start writing again, like for real and not blogs. I'm just scared I'll find out that I'm not interesting or articulate anymore, or that I never was in the first place and I just had confidence for no reason. Which is probably the wrong thing to be feeling when I'm trying to work on my self-esteem, but still.

Oh, and Anthony and I have rediscovered the awesomeness that was kidpix. That shit ruled.