013

Oh my god.

012

Things I have read recently:


"Jesse Lacey is a primadonna little bitch boy and I'm going to pop him in the face if I ever run into his little emo cry-baby ass."

4:05:06 AM LefMidfielder: and who mentioned morrisey, morrisey sucks

"But Thom Yorke solo and the Clipse are suprisingly similar."


I love music discussions on the internet.

011

I am really good at irritating people, especially people I don't want to find me irritating because I enjoy talking to them. I am either just a really annoying person or I am bad at the internet.

I still don't really talk to anyone at Beloit. They just don't interest me and I am too lazy to work that hard at convincing people I am worth hanging out with when there are already people who think that.

A/E happened and I couldn't be there because I can't afford to travel that much for such a short period of time. I'm not even going home for Thanksgiving. But I really would have loved to be there. I think I miss Andover way too much and I need to get it through my head that I can't go back.

I haven't talked to Lindsey as much as I would like to. Or anyone else, really. I am just bad at keeping in touch. Maybe I will call her tonight. I still consider a ton of people my friends who I haven't talked to in a long time.

I figured out an easy way to rip videos from youtube without those sites that always freeze up, so I have been putting video-type things that make me happy on my ipod.

I got a cute coat from karmaloop. A button fell off but I used a mechanical pencil and some string as makeshift needle and thread, and it's fine now.

I miss a lot of things.

I'm going to go for a walk.

010

It's been forever since I posted in this thing. A lot has happened but probably nothing that is very interesting to read about.
Break was wonderful, I got to see my family and hug everyone and play outside. I went to the Apple store and got my speakers fixed (they weren't actually broken, I just had some setting wrong or something) and on the Wednesday of that week I worked a few hours for Linda. She thinks my tattoos are cute, which is good because it means she's not going to fire me.
And then I was in NYC visiting Kayleigh the 19th-21st. Kayleigh is awesome. I wanted to meet up with Court but that didn't happen, unfortunately. But I got to see Lindsey who I missed so much I can't even express it. And of course the KD show, which was beyond amazing. We were the first ones there which kind of made us feel lame and fangirly, but it was worth it just to be right up front feeling all that crazy energy.
Being back at school is not great. Break just really made me realize how much I miss home and need to be in Boston again. So I am applying to transfer to Emerson. The application is due Thursday so I've been working like crazy on it. I really hope I get in.
The internet is really ridiculous lately and I'm so over all the drama. I left the chat, and I'm thinking it's for good. I still talk to the people who matter to me, so all I'm losing is another way to waste time.
It makes me really sad when people start hating me. And it makes me crazy when they refuse to tell me what I did wrong.
I thought I had much more to say than this but I forget it all. This was a really boring entry.

009

Weird unseasonable heat versus perfect hoodie weather. Boring green trees versus spectacular golds and reds. No human contact versus the best hugs ever. An irritating melodramatic 16-year-old versus the two most amazing 15-year-olds in the world. Home on a saturday night versus clubs and shows and friends and drinks. A scarecrow from highschool versus real scarecrows in pumpkin patches and apple picking and jumping in leaves.
Yeah, I definitely know what I prefer.
2 more days.

008

I did a list of pluses and minuses and everything came out neutral.
So I guess it's up to me whether I'm having good days or bad days.
I am just really really looking forward to October 12th.

007

So I got this online internship with Stolen Transmission.
And one of their bands is Schoolyard Heroes.
Against whom this petition has been written.
So basically I am street-teaming for Satan.
Loves it.

006

Homesick.

005

I love birthdays.
Chicago this past weekend.
Treos and Envy Friday night.
Got my handcuffs and key Saturday.
Drunk Saturday night, had some conversations that embarrassed me the next day. The usual.
I really am doing okay with school. I need to go to Econ more often though. It's the only class I've missed.
I'm trying to get home for Brand New at Northeastern on the 22nd. I really hope that happens. If not, I'll be sad, but I will get to be home for a week in October and some of that will be in NYC with my favorites there. And Kevin Devine in Brooklyn on the 20th I believe.

004

I'm not gonna stay 18 forever.

003

The more I think about it, the more I miss my family and appreciate them.

002

I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.

Today is going to be interesting. I plan to call quite a few people and find out what exactly I said last night.
There's only one phone call I can remember even half of and it's the one I want to forget.
Why am I like this?
Get me out of Wisconsin and somewhere where the sun shines all the time and people lay naked on the beach eating tropical fruit. And nobody ever gets drunk and makes a fool of themselves (or gets drunk and realizes what a fool they've made of themselves while dead sober).
I'm like a gymnast with my flexibility, contorting from having fun to crying in mere seconds.
Maybe I should blame my ballet training for making me push myself to these extremes. I don't do anything in moderation.

And yes, I am. But it's worse than you know.

001

No more livejournal, so I figure I might as well start updating this (if I get the chance).
My hands they always shake and no one's calling my phone, so what does that make me?
I'm nervous all the time now because I don't want to jinx it. I feel like if I say this out loud it will disappear. But here goes: I think I may have broken the cycle of crazy highs and excruciating lows. I feel normal. But I always say that right before something bad happens.
My life is a rhythm.
I'm meeting new people, which is always exciting and a little awkward. Last night there was a snuggle party across the hall. Closeness with people I'm not that close to yet. It made me miss home. Home is people, not places.
"What's your life story?" Strangers telling me about skeletons in closets and monsters under beds. The best way to bond.
I had breakfast with another manic-depressive today. It's weird to talk about pain that's so personal with someone I barely know, but it's also really nice to have someone who gets it.
All my homework is getting done. All my classes (so far) are interesting. Lots of hugs and phone calls on the weekend that I don't necessarily totally remember. But not in a bad way.
And I've started drinking coffee again. Being a little more awake these days couldn't hurt.
New beginnings.