018

I have spent only two of the last fourteen nights in my own bed, in my own home.
Life is crazy and I love it.
I am crazy and I don't love it. I need to work on myself.

Everything you do is art. Take pictures, write words, try to document and record everything and be an accurate historian and if you can do that, you will make art without ever even creating anything.

Things change too fast for me to handle. Mostly things have been changing for the better lately, but I get so confused and upset when the world doesn't stop for me. Dudes who are single when I leave have girlfriends when I get back, and I am a selfish immature person who expects that I can have what I want when I want it and not have to deal with the reality that life goes on without me. I think I'm the good guy, the star of my own life story, and so everything will work out for me in the end. But I'm just another extra.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Home is the least comfortable place and my oldest friends make me feel the most unhappy. Comfort has a new meaning.

I like it when things actually HAPPEN to me. I like when the people in my life do the things they tell me they're going to do. Maybe this is why I get in trouble, because I get bored and want to have a good story to tell before I die. I get in trouble because I'm not content anymore unless I have something to show for it.

And now, some open letters, because this is not cliche enough already:

1) I really enjoy your company. Thank you for being sane and easy to understand. I feel like we communicate well. This is really good so far.

2) I don't know why you felt like you needed to say that to me, but it was really shitty and I can't handle how judgmental and self-righteous you've become. I don't feel like I can be myself around you anymore, which would bother me with anyone but with you it really hurts. Do you remember how much we loved each other? Do you remember why? Now you are too pretentious even for me. Enjoy your poetry readings.

3) I am lucky I have you. It makes me so happy. Let's live like this forever.

4) "Keep doing what you're doing. Live your life. I love you." Thank you so much for this. You don't know how much I needed it, or maybe you do. I just love you for understanding me.

5) I'm passive-aggressive and manic-depressive and I'd apologize for being such a mess if you weren't one too and if it wasn't what I love about you. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I'm almost not because it's not like you never did the same to me. Besides, I make your life more interesting. Go write a song about it.